y did u give ur computer a hand job?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
