My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
