i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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