believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
