watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
