Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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