I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Did I show you my penis last night?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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