Define "chronic" masturbator.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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