this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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