I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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