I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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