I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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