Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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