dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
