So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
