I need help removing her.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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