Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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