Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
