Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
