as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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