Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
