I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it's like iHOP with fire
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
