the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
