Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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