walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
