I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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