so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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