Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My vagina just clenched in fear
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
