I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just cropdusted the office
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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