The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
