i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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