dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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