Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
