Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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