oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
