Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
