his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
