Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize