Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
