i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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