i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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