hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this boner is exhausting
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
