If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
