dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize