It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
