we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
