finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
