I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
