Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
