On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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