I wannas sexs uuuuu
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In other news, I just burned my penis
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
