Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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