bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
