apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
