I can't breathe out the right side of my face
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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