What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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