I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
