Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
