He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
