The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
