After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
