I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
