thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
