I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
