He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
