I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
