your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm like, not good at living.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
