She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
