It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
