I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
