No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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