My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
