Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
