I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
