I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
