I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
