i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this boner is exhausting
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Randomize
