Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
