he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
