I think my fart just growled at me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
