FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
