sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
