how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is it penis luge time yet?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
