..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
